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Week #14 |
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Season XXXII |
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Dec. 28, 2021 |
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Tenderloin Bowl XXXII
Pirates plunder
Eddies, 41-32
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BUFFALO, NY - So what if the Eddies had had their way with the Pirates in two previous meetings this season, winning both by a combined score of 62 to 39? This time, it was for all the marbles so Montana bigheads put the attack in the hands of Tenderloin Bowl MVP Aaron Rodgers who went limping about his business, broken little piggy be damned. He proceeded to fire a trio of salvos to the mast among 268 yards to send Seashrein down to Davy Jones's locker. Rather than being overpowering, the Swashbucklers' attack was brutally efficient. The only attacker with very impressive stats was that Christian guy...not Fletcher...but Kirk who glommed on to passes for 94 yards including one to celebrate. Others turned ho-hum yardage into rummy delight as exemplified by Ezekiel Elliott's turd tote to the promised land among 52 mundane yards, receiver Deebo Samuel's deposit into the treasure chest, not by grabbing for gold, but by dancing on a sweep among 29 yards, and Stefon Diggs's puny 35 yards receiving made meaningful with a post toaster. The 'Yo-Ho-Ho' defenders, paced by TJ Watts's sack and a half and Harrison Buckner's passer pancake and forced coughup kept the Eddies at bay.
Seashrein outgained the Butte crew in total yardage, 808-643, but lost the paydirt count, 4-7. Patrick Mahomes accounted for most of the Eddies' plane penetrations by connecting three times in lalaland among chucks for 410 yards. Jonathan Taylor tallied the only other scoreboard blinker while lugging the loaf for 170 yards but only able to make a single deposit in the breadbox. George Kittle sticky fingered air biscuits for 93 yards without getting anything onto the poop deck. And so, the Eddies' attempt for a sixth Tenderloin title went down with the ship.
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Porterhouse Bowl XXXII
Rats ram
Chiggers, 22-14
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MOOSE JAW, SASK. The Chiggers were totally spent holding a three point lead under Covid induced Tuesday night lights. Unfortunately for Chatham, Northgate's player yet to be counted turned out to be Cooper Kupp who went off to earn Porterhouse Bowl MVP honors by welcoming incoming tosses for 136 yards including twice to the funzone.
The Ave Rats weren't exactly touchdown dynamos entering the Tuesday night finale. The only other housecall going Northgate's way was a zone zinger by Kyler Murray who otherwise mailed it in with a garbage time enhanced 257 yards passing. Although Dalvin Cook wasn't able to poke anything over the goal line, he did dodge for 89 yards on the ground. Even though the 'You Dirty Rat' defense only had a pass pilfer by Trevon Diggs and a passer plant by Brian Burns to brag about, it was certainly more than what Chatham had going defensively. The Ave Rats barely nosed out the Chiggers in total offense, 578 yards to 569.
Chatham closed out the 2021 BSFL season with five consecutive defeats. During the course of the campaign, the Chigger bighead left more points on the sideline, 339 to be exact, than any other team - a whopping 68 more than the next most retarded user of roster talent. Only two players deserve mention in Porterhouse Bowl action - Tyreek Hill, who caught keepers for 148 yards including a trey, and James Robinson, who rambled for 75 and caught a scoring strike. The rest were either dead weight having sniffed too much Raid, or were on the Chatham bench.
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- UPDATED RESULTS -Sirloin Bowl XXXI
Whackers wilt
Bashers, 22-21
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MULE SHOE, TX With the Whackers up by eight into a Tuesday night showdown, it would be their own receiver, Van Jefferson, against the Basher quarterback, Matthew Stafford, and defensive tackle Aaron Donald. Donald had an all important smoosh for the 'Spaethcadet' defense that narrowed the margin, and Stafford lofted a pair of toasters among 244 yards to get Spaeth within a point of tying it up. Van Jefferson, on the other hand, didn't pee a drop for the Whackers with catches for just 23 yards. But still, Wenatchee was able to hang on for the dubya.
Wenatchee had two gridders who came to play and a bunch more who didn't. Nick Chubb was good to go and went off on rambles for 91 yards including once over the threshold to earn Sirloin Bowl MVP honors. The other playing for keeps was Keenan Allen who manhandled a housecall among 78 yards.
The Bashers plodded along in the Whackers' rearview mirror primarily thanks to scoreboard blinking grasps by Justin Jefferson, among just 47 yards; by Davante Adams, among a paltry 44; and by mail carrier Aaron Jones among a weenie 12 receiving and 58 rushing. The Bashers outgained the Whackers in total yardage, 544-500.
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Hamburger Bowl XXXII
Nunya noogie
Marauders, 41-23
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HUMPTULIPS, WA The Nunya suddenly came to with Hamburger Bowl MVP Travis Kelce leading the way by hauling-in aerials for 191 yards including two to tango. Although Justin Herbert only connected for 236 yards, he was able to put even more distance between Ephrata and Manhart by throwing two for threes and adding a keeper for a sixpack on his own. Brandin Cooks added to the margin by cashing a pair of paychecks palming passes among 102 yards. The Nunya ground troops were productive, too, as Austin Ekeler found the five hole among 59 yards before being nicked, and Javonte Williams dodged and bulled for 72. The Nunya outgained the Marauders in total yardage, 740-425.
Quarterback Kirk Cousins set the tone for Manhart by completing for just 87 yards - but among them, two were scoring strikes and one was intercepted. That about says it all for the Marauders, except tightend Mark Andrews who exploded for 136 yards squeezing the skin including two toasters. Quandre Diggs pilfered a pass and Joey Bosa had a strip sack to keep things from getting even more out of hand.
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ALL-BS TEAM
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QB:
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Justin Herbert
Nunya
13 games - 3,721 yds passing [all-time 11th most], 285 yds rushing - 123 pts (Avg.: 286.2 yds passing, 21.9 yds rushing - 9.5 pts); 1st time all-BS.
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RB:
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Jonathan Taylor
Eddies
13 games - 1,462 yds rushing [all-time 6th most], 276 yds receiving - 136 pts [all-time 6th most rb] (Avg.: 112.5 yds rushing, 21.2 yds receiving - 10.5 pts); 1st time all-BS.
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RB:
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Derrick Henry
Marauders
7 games - 879 yds rushing, 135 yds receiving - 82 pts (Avg.: 125.6 yds rushing, 19.3 yds receiving - 11.7 pts); 3rd time all-BS.
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RB:
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Austin Ekeler
Nunya
13 games - 732 yds rushing, 558 yds receiving - 92 pts (Avg.: 56.3 yds rushing, 42.9 yds receiving - 7.1 pts); 1st time all-BS.
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WR:
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Cooper Kupp
Ave Rats
13 games - 1,517 yds receiving [all-time record] - 93 pts [all-time record] (Avg.: 97.2 yds receiving - 7.2 pts); 1st time all-BS.
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WR:
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Justin Jefferson
Bashers
13 games - 1,264 yds receiving - 69 pts (Avg.: 97.2 yds receiving - 5.3 pts); 1st time all-BS.
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WR:
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Davante Adams
Bashers
12 games - 1,192 yds - 64 pts (Avg.: 99.3 yds receiving - 5.3 pts); 1st time all-BS.
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PK:
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Justin Tucker
Ave Rats
13 games - 105 pts (Avg.: 8.1 pts); 3rd time all-BS.
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DF:
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Myles Garrett
Whackers
13 games - 35 pts [all-time 10th most dl/lb] (Avg.: 2.7 pts); 2nd time all-BS.
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DF:
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T.J. Watt
Pirates
13 games - 34 pts (Avg.: 2.6 pts); 3rd time all-BS.
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DF:
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Nick Bosa
Pirates
13 games - 32 pts (Avg.: 2.5 pts); 1st time all-BS.
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DB:
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J.C. Jackson
Eddies
12 games - 28 pts [all-time 7th most db] (Avg.: 2.3 pts); 1st time all-BS.
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PIRATES PLUNDER TO TITLE
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TOP COWPIES
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QB: Patrick Mahomes, Eddies
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13 pts |
RB: Jonathan Taylor, Eddies |
10 pts |
WR: Travis Kelce-te, Nunya |
13 pts |
PK: Greg Zuerlein, Whackers &
Evan McPherson, Eddies |
9 pts |
DF: 5 tied with |
3 pts |
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BSFL STUD
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Travis Kelce
Nunya
Wide Receiver-te
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Hauled-in aerials for 191 yards including two to tango.
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BSFL DUD
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Tom Brady
Chiggers
Quarterback
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Stumbled backwards without a scoring strike while only completing for 214 yards with one picked-off.
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TEAM STAT BULLS
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TOTAL OFFENSE: Eddies |
808 yds |
PASSING: Eddies
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410 yds |
RUSHING: Eddies
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234 yds |
RECEIVING: Nunya
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357 yds |
DEFENSE: Pirates & Marauders |
6 pts |
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BUNWARMER
OF THE WEEK
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Jalen Hurts
Ave Rats
Quarterback
15 points
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Benched as Kyler Murray only hit one in the endzone among 257 yards with another
misfired to the other guys.
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FOR THE RECORD
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- 2021 Most Valuable Player -
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Cooper Kupp
Ave Rats
Wide Receiver
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2020 |
Travis Kelce |
WR-te |
Chiggers |
2019 |
Christian McCaffrey |
RB |
Pirates |
2018 |
Travis Kelce |
WR-te |
Grasshoppers |
2017 |
Antonio Brown |
WR |
Marauders |
2016 |
Le'Veon Bell |
RB |
Elites |
2015 |
Odell Beckham |
WR |
Chiggers |
2014 |
J.J. Watt |
DF |
Casualties |
2013 |
Peyton Manning |
QB |
Grunts |
2012 |
Tom Brady &
Von Miller
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QB
DF |
C-Men
Chiggers |
2011 |
Wes Welker |
WR |
Marauders |
2010 |
Michael Vick |
QB |
Casualties |
2009 |
Chris Johnson |
RB |
Sylvesters |
2008 |
Justin Tuck |
DF |
Equis |
2007 |
Tom Brady |
QB |
Marauders |
2006 |
LaDainian Tomlinson |
RB |
Blowhards |
2005 |
Shaun Alexander |
RB |
Chiggers |
2004 |
Peyton Manning |
QB |
Grunts |
2003 |
Torry Holt |
WR |
Hardrockers |
2002 |
Priest Holmes |
RB |
Hardrockers |
2001 |
Curtis Martin |
RB |
Waterskippers |
2000 |
Robert Smith |
RB |
Chiggers |
1999 |
Stephen Davis |
RB |
Marauders |
1998 |
Terrell Davis |
RB |
Chiggers |
1997 |
Terrell Davis |
RB |
Bashers |
1996 |
Terrell Davis |
RB |
Chiggers |
1995 |
Emmitt Smith |
RB |
Bashers |
1994 |
Steve Young |
QB |
Marauders |
1993 |
Jerry Rice |
WR |
Eddies |
1992 |
Emmitt Smith |
RB |
Waterskippers |
1991 |
Derrick Thomas |
DF |
Chiggers |
1990 |
Jerry Rice |
WR |
Chiggers |
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- 2021 Rookie of the Year -
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Justin Herbert
Nunya
Quarterback
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2020 |
James Robinson |
RB |
Chiggers |
2019 |
Chris Godwin |
WR |
Pirates |
2018 |
Patrick Mahomes |
QB |
Nunya |
2017 |
Alvin Kamara |
RB |
Killer Bees |
2016 |
Ezekiel Elliott |
RB |
Chiggers |
2015 |
Todd Gurley |
RB |
Elites |
2014 |
Emmanuel Sanders |
WR |
Casualties |
2013 |
Josh Gordon |
WR |
Equis |
2012 |
J.J. Watt |
DF |
Saltamontes |
2011 |
Cam Newton |
QB |
Blowhards |
2010 |
Arian Foster |
RB |
Saltamontes |
2009 |
Ray Rice |
RB |
Sylvesters |
2008 |
Jay Cutler |
QB |
Salmonbellies |
2007 |
Adrian Peterson |
RB |
Sylvesters |
2006 |
Adrian Wilson |
DB |
Eddies |
2005 |
Osi Umenyiora |
DF |
Blowhards |
2004 |
Javon Walker |
WR |
Blowhards |
2003 |
Dwight Freeney |
DF |
Chiggers |
2002 |
Julius Peppers |
DF |
Chiggers |
2001 |
LaDainian Tomlinson |
RB |
Marauders |
2000 |
Daunte Culpepper |
QB |
Waterskippers |
1999 |
Stephen Davis |
RB |
Marauders |
1998 |
Randy Moss |
WR |
Doughboys |
1997 |
Dorsey Levens |
RB |
Bashers |
1996 |
Mark Brunell |
QB |
Chiggers |
1995 |
Curtis Martin |
RB |
Nitwits |
1994 |
Terry McDaniel |
DB |
Waterskippers |
1993 |
Renaldo Turnbull |
DF |
Chiggers |
1992 |
Ricky Watters |
RB |
Hardrockers |
1991 |
Steve Young |
QB |
Hardrockers |
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- 2021 NOTEWORTHIES -
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BSFL Individual Records Set or Tied -
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Individual Season Receiving Yards - 1,517 - Cooper
Kupp, Ave Rats / Old Record - 1,485 - Calvin Johnson,
C-Men, 2013
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Individual Season Wide Receiver Points - 93 - Cooper
Kupp, Ave Rats / Old Record - 87 - Randy Moss,
Eddies, 2006
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2021 Leaders -
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Team Season Passing Yards - 3,991 - Nunya / Record -
4,633 - Eddies, 2018
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Team Game Passing Yards - 445 - Whackers v Eddies /
Record - 510 - Marauders v Sylvesters, 2012
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Individual Season Passing Yards - 3,721 - Justin Herbert,
Nunya [ranks 11th all-time] / Record - 4,060 -
Peyton Manning, Grunts, 2013
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Individual Game Passing Yards - 445 - Dak Prescott,
Whackers v Eddies / Record - 510 - Eli Manning,
Marauders v Sylvesters, 2012
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Team Season Rushing Yards - 2,845 - Marauders
[ranks 7th all-time] / Record - 3,158 - Casualties, 2003
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Team Game Rushing Yards - 324 - Marauders v
Eddies & Ave Rats v Pirates / Record - 456 - Chiggers v
Fleas, 1992
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Individual Season Rushing Yards - 1,462 -
Jonathan Taylor, Eddies [ranks 6th all-time] /
Record - 1,579 -Terrell Davis, Chiggers, 1998
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Individual Game Rushing Yards - 205 - Dalvin Cook,
Ave Rats v Pirates / Record - 296 - Adrian Peterson,
Sylvesters v Blowhards, 2007
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Team Season Receiving Yards - 4,437 - Bashers
[ranks 4th all-time] / Record - 4,482 - Eddies, 2018
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Team Game Receiving Yards - 483 - Whackers v Ave Rats /
Record - 626 - Grunts v Sylvesters, 2013
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Individual Season Receiving Yards - 1,517 - Cooper Kupp, Bashers [new record] / Old Record - 1,435 -
Calvin Johnson, C-Men, 2013
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Individual Game Receiving Yards - 206 - Davonte Adams,
Bashers v Pirates / Record - 329 - Calvin Johnson,
C-Men v Bashers, 2013
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Team Season Defensive Points - 98 - Eddies
[ranks 4th all-time] / Record - 120 - Casualties, 2004
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Team Game Defensive Points - 20 - Pirates v
Nunya / Record - 28 - Blowhards v Eddies, 1996
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Individual Game Defensive Points - 12 - J.C. Jackson-db,
Eddies v Nunya & DeForrest Buckner, Pirates v Ave Rats /
Record - 18 - DeAngelo Hall-db,Casualties v Blowhards,
2010 & Ronde Barber-db, Grunts v Chiggers, 2006
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Team Passing |
Team Rushing |
Team Receiving |
Team Defense |
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Ephrata |
3,991 |
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Manhart |
2,845 |
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Spaeth |
4,437 |
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Seashrein |
98 |
Seashrein |
3,905 |
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Northgate |
2,708 |
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Ephrata |
3,897 |
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Montana |
90 |
Chatham |
3,902 |
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Seashrein |
2,463 |
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Chatham |
3,666 |
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Wenatchee |
84 |
Montana |
3,898 |
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Chatham |
2,326 |
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Northgate |
3,664 |
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Chatham |
70 |
Spaeth |
3,808 |
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Wenatchee |
2,007 |
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Wenatchee |
3,624 |
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Ephrata |
67 |
Wenatchee |
3,757 |
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Montana |
1,977 |
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Montana |
3,557 |
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Northgate |
57 |
Northgate |
3,366 |
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Spaeth |
1,659 |
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Manhart |
3,303 |
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Manhart |
53 |
Manhart |
3,264 |
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Ephrata |
1,597 |
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Seashrein |
3,274 |
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Spaeth |
47 |
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Individual Passing |
Individual Rushing |
Individual Receiving |
Individual Defense |
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J.Herbert, Nunya |
3,721 |
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J.Taylor, Eddies |
1,462 |
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Kupp, Rats |
1,517 |
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M.Garrett, Whackers |
35 |
Mahomes, Eddies |
3,715 |
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N.Chubb, Whackers |
934 |
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Just.Jefferson, Bashers |
1,264 |
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TJ.Watt, Pirates |
34 |
Rodgers, Pirates |
3,354 |
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D.Cook, Rats |
929 |
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D.Adams, Bashers |
1,192 |
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N.Bosa, Pirates |
32 |
J.Allen, Chiggers |
3,109 |
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D.Henry, Marauders |
879 |
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Godwin, Whackers |
998 |
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JC.Jackson-db, Eddies |
28 |
Prescott, Whackers |
3,007 |
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N.Harris, Marauders |
846 |
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T.Kelce-te, Nunya |
990 |
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T.Diggs-db, Rats |
27 |
K.Murray, Rats |
2,750 |
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Mixon, Rats |
844 |
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T.Hill, Chiggers |
981 |
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Hendrickson, Chiggers |
25 |
L.Jackson, Marauders |
2,647 |
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E.Elliott, Pirates |
829 |
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S.Diggs, Pirates |
938 |
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Donald, Bashers |
22 |
Stafford, Bashers |
2,548 |
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Ekeler, Nunya |
732 |
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K.Allen, Whackers |
907 |
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L.Floyd, Nunya |
22 |
R.Wilson, Bashers |
1,260 |
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L.Jackson-qb, Marauders |
681 |
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J.Chase, Eddies |
815 |
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Reddick, Nunya |
21 |
T.Brady, Chiggers |
793 |
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Kamara, Whackers |
585 |
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M.Evans, Chiggers |
800 |
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J.Bosa, Marauders |
21 |
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QB Scoring |
RB Scoring |
WR Scoring |
PK Scoring |
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Rodgers, Pirates |
128 |
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J.Taylor, Eddies |
136 |
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Kupp, Rats |
93 |
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Tucker, Rats |
105 |
J.Herbert, Nunya |
123 |
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Ekeler, Nunya |
92 |
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D.Samuel, Pirates |
82 |
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Carlson, Nunya |
96 |
J.Allen, Chiggers |
114 |
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Mixon, Rats |
71 |
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Just.Jefferson, Bashers |
69 |
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Butker, Pirates |
91 |
Mahomes, Whackers |
93 |
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E.Elliott, Pirates |
67 |
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D.Adams, Bashers |
64 |
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Bass, Marauders |
86 |
K.Murray, Rats |
78 |
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D.Henry, Marauders |
58 |
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M.Evans, Chiggers |
57 |
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Zuerlein, Whackers |
85 |
Stafford, Bashers |
71 |
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D.Cook, Rats |
55 |
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T.Hill, Chiggers |
55 |
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M.Crosby, Bashers |
73 |
Prescott, Whackers |
66 |
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N.Chubb, Whackers |
52 |
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S.Diggs, Pirates |
55 |
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Succop, Eddies |
57 |
L.Jackson, Marauders |
64 |
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A.Jones, Bashers |
51 |
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T.Kelce-te, Nunya |
51 |
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Joseph, Chiggers |
45 |
T.Brady, Chiggers |
26 |
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Kamara, Whackers |
50 |
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Godwin, Whackers |
48 |
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McManus, Chiggers |
43 |
R.Wilson, Bashers |
25 |
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J.Robinson, Chiggers |
35 |
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K.Allen, Whackers |
44 |
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Koo, Whackers |
28 |
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